This was an unusually busy week. I set a new personal record for most people tested: 30 people among our offices in Overland Park, the University of Kansas, Johnson County Community College, and DCAP’s office in Lawrence. Unfortunately, only about a fifth of those were the high risk people that I should be testing. The highlight from this week was a KU student who was reading the testing consent form and asked why we can’t test people 70 or over. I told him the FDA had not approved the test for them. To that he replied, “That makes sense, they probably didn’t have HIV back then.”

      Having done so much testing I wasn’t able to troll the interwebs until the end of the week. I finally sat down in DCAP’s office Friday and hit Craigslist. Lawrence was pretty typical with sad, lonely hetero guys looking for anything, and gay journeymen who post everyday for blow-and-go’s. After that I hit up Kansas City’s Craigslist. Again, pretty typical, but I started to notice the guys on there are older than Lawrence or Topeka. I should have known that from the clientele at HLP, but wow there are a lot of guys over 50 looking. Then I went to Topeka’s craigslist. Damn Topeka, you scary. At ten in the morning on a rainy Friday there is more crazy in Topeka than Albuquerque after a visit from Walter White. There were guys already looking to ‘Party and Play’ (have sex on drugs like meth or cocaine). There were guys who had been up all night “Zooted and Booted” and still looking for guys to bone (What is zooted and booted you may be asking yourself? I admit I had to urban dictionary this one, but it is when you are so drunk or high that your brain is not functioning). There was a guy looking to get tag-teamed by multiple guys whom he wanted to have taken “GO FAST incentives” so they didn’t get tired (Meth). What really caught my attention was the amount of blatant prostitution. Looking for prostitutes or advertising your services on craigslist is usually a game of code words and innuendos — women looking for a “date”, and men looking to give a woman “50 roses” — but not in Topeka! Today all subtlety was abandoned with men openly saying they wanted Latino woman and for how much (usually between $50 and $100); and women posting their services including the strip club location you could meet at and their picture! If it were just one or two of these post I could chalk it up to a troll or cops, but there were just too many!

     The only dick pic that really jumped out at me was one sad, pale, overweight old man with a incredible small dick. If the gloom of cold rainy days in November start to make you feel depressed, just think about the sad old man on craigslist looking for anyone to do anything with, and remember that at least that’s not you.